Thursday, December 29, 2011

The Lost Words I7I

Aku punya kaca mata hitam
yang aku sangat sayang
sama seperti semua orang

Kemana-mana ia aku bawa
ke mana-mana ia aku pegang
sama seperti semua orang

Tapi kaca mata aku sangat istimewa
kalau kamu mahu tahu sesuatu
jika kau lihat
aku capai kaca mataku

Lalu ku sarungkan menutup mataku
Jika begitu perilaku
Jika kamu mahu tahu

Aku tidak mahu kau melihat terus ke mataku
kerana aku tidak mahu kau tahu

p.s. Apa ada di sebalik kaca mata hitam mu? 

The Lost Words I6I

Malam gelap
Hitam pekat
Hujan lebat
Kilat kuat

Duduk aku
Atas bangku
Menanti menunggu
Hadirnya kamu

Basah lencun
Sejuk beku
Mana kamu?
Aku tunggu

Kita janji
Jumpa disini
Aku rindu
Setengah mati

Kamu datang
Dengan seseorang
Berpegangan tangan
Bergelak sakan

Sampai hati
Mana pergi
Janji janji
Pada diri

Kamu lupa
Aku ada
Tetap setia
Menanti cahaya

Wahai Tuhan
Biar dia
Bersama teman
Bahagia selamanya

Malam gelap
Hitam pekat
Hujan lebat
Kilat kuat

Aku sendiri
Mengharap menanti
Hadirnya kamu
Selamanya ku tunggu.

p.s. Noktah bertindih.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

The Lost Words I5I

I am just not ready,
I just don't have the strength,

to let you go.

p.s. I will forget you when the time comes.

Monday, December 12, 2011

The Lost Words I4I

Terima kasih Karma,
Melihat apa kau buat
pada mereka
banyak membuatkan aku
terasa kuat,

Tapi Karma,
Jangan kau berani buat
Jangan kau berani balas
Jangan kau berani

Dia masih aku sayang
biarkan apa yang dia buat
aku simpan sorang-sorang
aku tak mahu dia merana
aku tak mahu jatuh air matanya
Aku tak mahu
Biar aku tanggung semua.

p.s. Karma si Hukum Fizik

Monday, November 28, 2011

The Lost Words I3I

Happy Birthday Sayang,

May all happiness linger around you because you my dear, have the most intoxicating and contagious laugh in the world.

I may have given up on us, but it doesn't mean that I no longer love you. I will always love you, here in my heart. 


p.s. Nothing will change my feelings towards you no matter what happens. That's my promise.

Friday, November 18, 2011

Painted Dream I Present Time

Listened to Katy Perry's The One That Got Away last night.

Imagine a wound or cuts that, all this while you thought you have managed to remedy, suddenly opens. Slowly at a snail's pace. That agonizing yet subtle pain you experience when you had paper-cuts, or a cut by a knife at your finger. 
Imagine those cuts; paper-cuts and knife-cuts, happen simultaneously and repetitively, stabbing your heart. 
Imagine this song is your love song and 500 Days of Summer's your love story.
Imagine waiting for someone for almost two year and you actually had him/her, but only for a short period of time.
Imagine the one you love the most and tenderly ask you to forget all the memories you used to share together.
Imagine your future that you have planned together perishes, like an apparition of smoke, in front of your eyes.
Imagine missing someone to a certain extent you could barely breathe when thinking of him/her.


Imagine all the possibilities of contentment that you can taste together.
Imagine you, trying to reach and grasp the possibilities but to no avail as it goes further into the unreachable realm.
Imagine you and your lover, which has become your ex, turn into a complete stranger.


Today, I cried in my toilet at my office. 

p.s. I really miss you Sayang. Whatever happens to our future plan? Whatever happens to I need you beside me? Whatever happens to I love you too.

Monday, November 14, 2011

The Lost Words I2I

Rindu awak.
Setengah mati.

p.s. rindu gila. 

Monday, November 7, 2011

The Lost Words I1I

Why can't you forget me? 
Why can't you?

p.s. I don't have the answer. 

Friday, November 4, 2011

Painted Dream I15I

Devastation started to slither down my spine. It was just too hard to fathom. We were boarding a train to the happy land. Well at least that was what I thought and clearly, we did not row the same boat.

Another heartbreak. Another heartache. I’ve been used to being disenchanted, let down and my heart being broken to a certain extent that it almost seemed like a daily routine. I failed to emote, to succumb to disappointment and cried my eyes out. Tears did flow but it was a supplementary action, to indicate that I was in the state of wretchedness.

It was just a fling, this has proved it.
Nothing to be sad about.
Come on Arshad, pull it together.

I tried to coax the cajoling heart of mine. So you wanted to play with this fickle heart do you not? Alright Sayang if that is your wish? I am more than happy to oblige.

So let the game begin. Shall we?

p.s. the game didn’t go like the plan. I’m actually glad.

Metafora Cinta

Biar cinta berkata-kata,
biar ia luahkan segala,
semua yang tersirat,
semua yang tersurat

Biar cinta bergerak bebas,
biar cinta buat kau lemas,
biar cinta buktikan
mereka semua salah!
biar cinta buktikan
mereka semua sampah!

Biar cinta berbisik ke telinga
biar kau rasa betapa nikmatnya,
biar mereka cemburu
akan engkau dan aku,
biar mereka makan hati
melihat kebahagian yang kita kecapi,

Biar cinta mengusap dahi,
biar cinta cium di pipi,
biar cinta pegang hati,
biar cinta usap lembut
dahi, pipi and hati,

Biar cinta memelukmu,
biarkan ia meraba-raba,
biarkan cinta
jika ia mahu merasa semua,

Hey bodoh,
sebelum kau biarkan cinta berkata-kata,
sebelum kau biarkan ia merasuk ke dalam jiwa,
sebelum kau biarkan ia meronta meminta-minta,
mari sini dengar dulu
apa mahu aku!

Aku mahu kau tenung cinta itu,
bukannya apa,
pastikan dulu ianya betul betul cinta,
bukanya nafsu semata-mata,

Ya ini sindiran untuk kamu semua,
yang di tipu nafsu buta buta,
kononya cinta yang di rasa
rupanya nafsu yang selama ini di noda.

p.s. Jangan nak terasa sangat lah, aku tulis berdasarkan pengalaman. 

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Painted Dream I14I

I missed your performance night. It was my fault but I couldn’t help it, the All American Reject was in town for their live concert. I just couldn’t miss that. I was indecisive tho initially whether I should ditch the concert and provide you with the most tender support. Remember I said I was still muddled about my real feelings towards you, I reasoned by comforting myself that those feelings were just a phase and they would wash out eventually but AAR was certainly real.

You were devastated. At least that was what I got from the cold responses you were throwing at me. I wished you good luck and was honest by truthfully stating that I would be at a concert. For a fact that I wasn’t there to witness your performance, some part of me dreadfully regretted the decision.

Because that night I discovered something rather hurtful, the feeling I harboured for you wasn’t mutually reciprocated.

You met my friend. Rather good looking and a heart breaker. We both were in a different league. His strong jaw line made him stood out in a crowd. He had a more angular face compared to my usual round face. My soft yet shrieking scream-queen voice was nothing compared to his mannish Nashville-like voice that would melt you in an instant. Body-wise, let just say that he was way more comfortable in his rather than I, in mine. However, we were pretty close to each other. He liked to talk to me about almost anything and everything.

The concert was a blast. It felt like walking down one poignant memory lane. I used to share my fondness in AAR with a special someone. Someone whom I used to be crushing hard at that time, before our paths crossed and my attention was drawn completely towards you. I should neglect the story about AAR and this former special someone because this was supposed to be our story. As a matter of fact, this someone wasn’t exactly that special because you were on top of my will-do-anything-for-you list. Simply because you weren’t special, you were just more and beyond special.

Speaking of this friend I talked about who you met at your performance night was rather hard because he showed me the bitter truth of my infatuation to you. I was having an online conversation with him when he enquired questions about this one intriguing figure he noticed during the drama night. I kinda knew he was referring to you yet I tried to ensure we were referring the same person. My gut feeling was right; he was asking questions about you.

Hey, I noticed this particular person at the drama night the other day.

Before he could further describe you, I provided him with a plateful of information about you but I had trouble introducing you to him. Who are you? I mean I constantly fantasized about the possibilities of what we two could have but it was just one-sided possibilities. I had no idea what was on the other side of the coin if I flipped it.

A conversation with my friend who seemed to show interest in you revealed everything.

You were flirting with him.

p.s. I didn’t know what and how to feel.

Friday, October 14, 2011

Painted Dream I13I

I would say that the first date went triumphantly. It’s a personal record and I was jubilantly elated and elevated into another level of contentment. One of the few first dates that really meant something to me. It’s a personal favourite too.

However, I was still in haze about the feelings I harboured towards you. It’s like a potpourri of scents, one first sniff and you think it has the best whiff in the world yet it turns rotten and pungent that it goes straight to your head and leaves you feeling nauseous the next time you take another sniff. Was it love or was it just another fling we both were indulging. Whatever it was, one thing for certain was I had never felt this new sensation. I was catapulted to the seventh heaven.

Texting each other had been a serious inevitable and vital routine. Stories were shared and exchanged; sometimes it was more than just stories. We sure knew how to spice things up. And that part was the most intimately astounding. I was completely besotted and infatuated. The feeling was just outlandish.

We went out for a couple of casual dates, luncheons, and dinners. My friends started to have qualms about this mysterious friend I’ve been indulging and devoting my time with. If only they knew you were not merely a friend, you were beyond that. To their knowledge, I was hanging with a new friend I picked up during the workshop. 

Little did they know how important you had slowly become in my life. It had struck a chord on me that I was utterly in love, falling head over heels over you. I could go berserk if I didn’t text you or hear any news about you. Knowing what you were doing, what colour was your shirt you were wearing, have you eaten, how you feeling today and all those trivial stuffs had been an obligatory routine that I couldn’t bear to miss. Those things metaphorically had been my daily drugs. You, on the other hand, were the medicine.

p.s. The feelings were just simply ineffable.

Saturday, October 8, 2011

Painted Dream ::intermission::

"Cinta kau dan aku 
Tak kan mungkin bersatu
untuk saat ini 
di dunia ini

Mungkin kita bersama
nanti di atas sana
biar ku setia
menjaga cintamu"

Kisah Hati by Alyah

p.s. Dear Sayang, I have told you this countless time and I'll keep telling you this. No matter what happened or what's going to happen, I will always love you.

Saturday, October 1, 2011

Painted Dream I12I

I brought you to McDonalds. I don’t know why but I have a thing with that fast food restaurant. Most of my first dates and usual dates would take place in McDonalds. It has never failed me in terms of impressing people as well as expressing myself. It’s a safe location; it falls in between cheap and extravagant. Just nice.  Although I wanted to make it different with you, we ended up in McDonalds eventually.

I had with me my laptop. I nearly finished the assignment, simply waiting for the final touch. We ordered and scouted for the perfect table. Alas, it wasn’t really a perfect table as we sat adjacent to another couple. Their eyes ushered us to our table, intrigued maybe by the presence you brought to the place. We talked like it was nobody’s business. We laughed like we owned the place. I realized two things that night that had shoved me closer in your life. Firstly, you certainly didn’t bother what others might think and perceive you. Secondly, you had the sexiest and most alluring laugh. It’s contagious.

I had found myself getting fonder of you.

We really had fun that night. I had so much more fun. We were very intimate. Our hands were at times intertwined unknowingly and whenever that happened, we would look at each other rather awkwardly and uncomfortably. I, without a doubt, relished every moment. Like a boy being handed a candy, my heart was zealously pounding in gusto.

You assisted me with my assignment. I didn’t care anymore about the assignment. I just wanted to plunge my time with you. When it was time to head back, it was the most painful decision I had to make. I wished the time would halt. I prayed it would stop. I felt heavy. The gravity seemed to be weighing more than usual. 

It was just dreadful watching you exited the car. 

p.s. why must it come to an end? 

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Letting Go

banyak sudah cara aku lakukan,
banyak sudah jalan aku usahakan,

kalau mahu di kira air mata yang aku titiskan,
tidak mungkin bisa engkau guna tempayan untuk tadahkan,

tapi hati ini,
degil sungguh!
bodoh sungguh! 

tidak mahu ia untuk melepaskan 
kau jauh-jauh,

tidak kira betapa sakit,
tidak kira betapa perit,

tidak pernah sesekali ia berhenti
untuk mengingati,
insan istimewa yang pernah
ia sayangi.

p.s. Letting go is difficult when one isn't ready. And yes I am not ready to let you go. 

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Guilty Pleasure

Do me a favor, listen to this will you?

Because he asked the fans to share this.

p.s. I turned gay for like 3 minutes.

Saturday, September 17, 2011

If I left you a Suicide Note

If I left you a suicide note, 
would you bother?

If I left you a suicide note,
would you flinch even for an inch?

If I left you a suicide note,
would you mourn for me?

If I left you a suicide note,
would you see me differently? 

If I left you a suicide note,
would you love me tenderly?

If I left you a suicide note,
would you hold my hands dearly?

If I left you a suicide note,
would you kiss my lips?

If I left you suicide note,
would you care?
would you even notice it's there? 

p.s. would you? 

Friday, September 16, 2011

Painted Dream I11I

I was a total silent in the car, externally. I didn’t neither move nor flinch. Intrinsically, a tornado of emotions was stirring viciously. I wanted to scream my lungs out and tell the whole world that you were in my car. I wanted to bang my head on the wall as a confirmation that it wasn’t a dream. It was too good to be true. You were exactly sitting beside me.

Your sweet scent wafted through the car’s air conditioner.  The shirts and the jeans you donned fit you faultlessly. Your hair was dressed in a way that it looked specially done by a professional hair-dresser. Your distinguished strut was very poised and model-like. Your smile, it just blew me away. It’s like being shot by a gun in the head at point-blank; it was inexplicably spellbinding but of course in a good way. Your piercing wolf-like eyes sharply glowed and exuded luminous radiance.

The moment you cracked open the car’s door and rest your body on the seat, you took a glimpse at my face and sheepishly smiled. That smile ruthlessly killed me.

Wow you actually listen to me.

Excuse me?

The first time we met at the workshop, you had eyeliner on one of your eyes. Remember I said it looks tacky and..

And I said I’ll use it on both eyes for this day.

Yeah, it’s flattering. I like it better. Way much better.

p.s. you janganlah pakai eyeliner sebelah mata jek, Nampak macam you kena tumbuk ngan orang. Nanti kita keluar sama2 jangan pakai camtu eh?

Friday, August 26, 2011

#Daily Dose: The Glee Project

I don't considered myself as a Gleek because I am not an ardent fan of that stellar TV series. I am not sure whether stellar is the right adjective but never mind, you get what I meant. 

So yeah I've been plunging my head watching the new sorta singing competition The Glee Project. The winner of the show will be given a once-of-a-lifetime opportunity to appear on Glee Season 3, as guest stars or special appearances I reckon. 

Initially I thought the show is going to be another crappy show with wannabees and lame losers trying to sing their heart out for that fame chance but I was terribly wrong. Those contenders can really sing and they don't have to try too hard, they sing so effortlessly as if you are watching them speaking. 

I am now in love with Cameron Mitchell, I guess you could tell because usually I blog or rather lament about my personal life so writing about something out of it is like waiting for the moon to turn blue but here I am smitten whilst writing this. This skinny nerdy awkward blonde whose voice is so soothing to my ears. I could listen to him serenading me for eternal. Here is his 43 seconds rendition of Keep Holding On, the final song the contenders need to oblige once they are eliminated but mind you the only reason Cameron sang the song is because he voluntarily quit the competition. 

I think this is undoubtedly by far the best and most emotional rendition by the eliminated contestants. Like an arrow, the raspy and husky voice of his, shot straight to your heart and at times it feels like his voice will break at any times. I am no voice coach  but one thing I know and it's for certain is that Cameron's voice is to die for! 

Amongst all, I could see him going places making good music. His records don't need to go platinum or multi-platinum, it would suffice to think that he'll be turning into another silent legend, an unsung hero in the industry. 

Do check out the reason he quit the show, I think it's a virtue. Oh yeah he does have his own you tube channel so you may want to take a peek at that too because there's some promising originals and stupendous covers by him.

p.s. Remember I said I have a thing with red heads, well go take a look at Marissa, another force to be reckoned with even though she too isn't the winner of the competition. 

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Painted Dream I10I

2 years ago when you entered the car and sat beside me, my knees shuddered and trembled, my tongue turned numb, my heart went berserk-pounding wildly on the chest just like a mad man trying to exit from a confinement in an asylum- , my body was anaesthetically electrocuted and the feelings were just utter surreal.

I still have that experience today every time you’re near.

Your presence can simply be equalized like a cosmic magnetic force, pulling me closer and draining my energy from my body. I was enchanted, willing to sacrifice myself for a chance of savouring the flavour of your love.

Is this what you called true love? I had never plunged my head in it regardless of being constantly upset, saddened and rejected by a person I admired before I met you Sayang.

Crushes come and go, but you’ll definitely know when it’s love
I guess the sentence is aptly and undoubtedly constructed.

p.s. I was besotted and still am, at this very moment.

Painted Dream I9I

It still baffled me the fact that I managed to take you out for a date that day. You wouldn’t reckon it was a date but I did. Whatever happened to the world that gave me the strength to brave through my inferiority and fears, it was a day I wouldn’t let it skip my mind for a second.

I begged my friend to lend me his car. We were freakishly on the edge of a cliff because one of the assignments was due that very night. He, my friend, had completed his whilst I, on the contrary was struggling, strangled by the fact that I might put my assignment on a risky spot just to turn my dream of taking you out into a realization.

I need to make copies and print this shit or else I wouldn’t be able to finish this. I need your car to commute.

Yeah sure.

We the seniors were aiding some friends with their task so some of us were stuck at the hall where this thing took place. So it was an easy inquiry. Since my friend would definitely stay at the hall until it finished, which provided me with the opportunity to flee and entered a new world of quixotically  make believe with you. I set my head and aim straight. This assignment shit would need to be completed before 4 or I could kiss the date a bitter farewell. I was all over the place since we were needed to come up with a portfolio of our writings. Papers were piling up getting readied to be placed neatly inside the portfolio.

It was already 4 o’clock but I was nowhere near the finish line. You on the other hand, were starting to get a hint that I might be giving you false hopes.

I packed all my stuffs, put on my best shirt and raced to pick you up only to be disappointed by the fact that I hadn't a slightest inkling of the location of the hostel you were residing. On one hand, I had this abundance of work to be done but on the other, the dreadful feeling of wanting to meet you was so overwhelming and I knew if I didn’t proceed with the plan, we would never be like how we are today.

p.s. I am beyond glad I took that chance. 

Thursday, July 21, 2011

To whom it may concern

Painted dream will commence when the author finally gets his interest in writing back.

Till then, this blog shall remain at it is that you can see now.



The one who is not sincere enough.

p.s. what the hell aku merepek ni? 

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Painted Dream I8I

I was freaking busy at that time since the end of the semester was imminent. You on the other hand were occupied with your drama staging. 

We kept in touch with each other but yet failed to block a date and plunge ourselves into a perfect and romantically delusional first date. You asked tho, constantly but I kept denying. I had pictured our first date and had devised a perfect first date with you hence the persistent refusal. 

I was at war with my inner self not to comply and bow down to your invitation of going out. I was truthfully in desperate craving to meet you but at the same time, I was afraid. I fear of rejections. This fickle heart of mine was in a state of confusion. Unable to decide and be prepared of the consequences of the date. Well you see, I'd had terrible experiences when it came to first blind date. 

but it wasn't a blind date, you guys met the other day during the workshop remember?
the heart whispered. 

If you weren't interested at the first place, we would not be where we are now, wouldn't we? 
I thought, trying to cajole the sulking heart of mine. 

p.s. were you interested in me Sayang? 

Friday, June 17, 2011

[Aku Orang Halus 31]

Menangis lagi,
aku penat sayang,
penat mahu selamatkan keadaaan,
penat mahu mengalah,
Aku tahu kau rimas,
Sebab tiap kali aku message
kau jarang balas,
kau hebat sekali memberi reaksi
seakan kita tidak pernah berkongsi
masa hadapan dan mimpi? 

p.s. Kau tahu semalam masa kita lunch, aku teringat kenapa aku jatuh cinta sama kamu bila aku tengok kau gembira. 

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Painted Dream I7I

If I said I'm all yours, what do you want to do with me?
I don't want your body, I want all of you to be mine. 

p.s. This has led to more serious flirting. 

Sunday, June 12, 2011

[Aku Orang Halus 30]

Kamu mahu tahu sesuatu?
Hati aku rindu kamu
Tapi kenapa tidak kamu
sahut panggilan itu?

p.s. tiada kata-kata mampu aku tulis. I'm lost for words.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Painted Dream l6l

I'm the type of guy who falls in love rather easily at times. Even the most trivial acts would leave me smitten, gasping for air to breathe. 

A glimpse of those whom I fancy, I'd turn reddish in an instant. I too like to be noticed. So let say if I like this particular person I met at a random restaurant, I would try my best to get noticed. I fight to the last drop of my blood. Usually it doesn't take much time as I'm  a tad quirky. This applies to my fashion sense and my behaviour hence given me a strong reinforcement to triumph at the battle field of the oblivious. Often, I succeed in making my presence noticed via the art of the eyes. If you get what I mean. 

It was proven when I made a fool out of myself for you to notice me. 

Nevertheless, as eccentric and quirky I am, nothing beats the extra ordinary phase I go through every time I fall in love with someone. I usually and unconsciously would imagine making love with that person. Often, the result is stupendously mind-blowing. It usually goes like this. The person I fall in love with would be segregated into 2 types.

First is the one that I care so much I just couldn't imagine making love with because I fear of hurting the person. This crass idea sprang out of nowhere. My previous ex-es usually fall into this category. 

The second one is a person I can actually see myself making love or having sex with. This however depicts that it is mostly just lust and desire and crushes are the ones that fit into this category. For instances Milla Jovovich and Taylor Lautner. Yeap I've indeed imagined making love with both figures. 

Now, you may wonder what category or type does Sayang fall into? 
Sayang, miraculously falls in between and yes Sayang is and was the only person that has/had ever resided the place. 

p.s. I just really hope that Sayang too will be that only person. 

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Painted Dream l5l

I was, at the moment, in my trials of letting go of someone when I met you and fall hard, head over heels. 

I know up-front that this feeling was just trivial, I craved for someone to channel my overwhelming affection and you emerged out of the crystal blue sky at the right time. I thought it was the right time. People would call this a rebound

You were flirting, we were flirting with each other. Sweet talk and trying to be adorably cute and all. The weird thing was that the feeling I harbored for you was nothing usual. It was outlandishly absurd. It's like falling in love for the first time. I giggled and blushed reading your texts. I waited anxiously for you to reply my messages. It was surreal, the feeling. We wished each other good morning and good night, we virtually blew our kisses and I was certain that we were an item. I was hooked, like a fish ceaselessly and effortless lured by the bait. 

Good night darling, I want you to be with me when I open my eyes tomorrow morning.
Ok sayang, I promise. 

I was beyond content. You could see it in my eyes, they glittered just like diamonds under the shiny sun. 

p.s. Do you remember sayang?

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Painted Dream I4I

Hey guys, thanks for coming to the workshop. We appreciate it and hope you had fun. 
Oh good for you. 
Errmm what do you mean?
Hello, you're texting the wrong number. Ok bye. 
Eh I do? this is **** right? Arshad lah nie. 
Oh eh sorry hehe hye Arshad :)

If you remember, I said I texted on behalf of my friends to thank all of you for coming and I had to text all of the group members. 

Well frankly, I bluffed. 
I just needed a reason to text you and I fictitiously created the reason. 

It was in the month of Raya and I had a couple of open houses to attend. You, on the other hand, were staying in a hostel which was just a stone throw away from my residential area. My hand phone was snugged in my hand all the time that day as we were texting each other and were getting to poke our noses at each other's business. We were mainly at the stage of getting to know ourselves. 

So tengah buat apa nie? 
Bosan, tade orang kat umah

I thought we were trying to be cute and all. How hilarious. My friends were started to having qualms at my quirky and out of ordinary attitudes that day. I was smitten and it read all over my face. I smirked looking at my handphone, hopped in gusto at times and my face was beaming. The feeling was just inexplicable and no words could actually portray it. I, on that day, utterly fell for you. 

p.s. You have no idea Sayang, you have not a slightest idea

Friday, May 27, 2011

[Aku Orang Halus 29]

Selama 2 tahun aku 
berjuang dan menunggu
untuk menjadikan
kau selamanya milik aku

Tapi apabila kau 
aku akhirnya miliki
hanya untuk aku lepaskan 
di mana letak perasan 
dan hati 
sampai sanggup kau
buat aku begini? 

p.s. Di hujung hari, kau juga aku cari nanti.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Painted Dream l3l

We had a little bit of a small talk. 

Your group asked for my advice since I was the mentor and you were the group leader. I could see the passion in your eyes. Those piercing glare penetrated my eyes every time we locked gaze. When that happened, it felt like we were the only persons in the hall and nothing else mattered anymore. I was trying hard not to fidget and mumble, or worst act like a fool. 

If my heart was transparently visible, it could be vividly seen that it was berserk. Pounding wildly and I was pretty certain there's a slight chance that it might burst out. 

Your friend gave me her number as she was the assistant group leader and I was a friend of hers so the thought was, it would be easier and convenient if she contacted me should any thing arouse. I was devastated. 

I wanted to have your number so bad.

Errm do you mind if I have yours instead? 
Besides you're the group leader so that would be more appropriate 

I concocted the lines out of the blue and rather unknowingly. That was so not me. I am a not a go-getter. But when it comes to you, I tend to shove my sanity far away from my mind.  

Yes sure 

The rest of your friends giggled. I hadn't the slightest idea what was so freaking hilarious. Their eyes were all arrowed at us. 

You stood up and came closer to me. I could feel your breath and your smell. Your face was just inches away from mine. Those black and thick eye brows contradicted the complexion of your fair skin. This was rather unfathomable. I had no idea what had gotten into me to make me behaved rather socially bold. 

and your name is?
I asked after saving your number in my mobile phone. 

Your friends were obviously teasing and snickering at us. I was baffled. Did I do something wrong? 

One of your friends remarked, 

you can call my friend here sayang. 

At that moment, I was fumed with awkwardness and had turned reddish completely. I had no freaking idea how to response. 

Oh never mind them, they're being annoying.
you can call me ******

Oh so that's the name, it was an odd name tho, so I thought when I first heard of your name. 

I'd love to call you sayang.
Eh nothing, so I call you? or maybe text? 
Yeah sure, thanks. 

No, thank you!
I murmured. 

I jumped gleefully and no words could explain how contented and happy I was. I wasn't on cloud nine, I was higher than just sitting on those fluffy clouds where happy people reside. 

p.s. I could remember vividly your expression when they said Sayang.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

[Aku Orang Halus 28]

Ini ada sesuatu 
mahu aku beritahu kamu

I may not have the most flawless skin in the entire universe,
I may not have the height you prefer,
I can't give you a handphone as a present,
I can't give you any pets as a gift,
I can't make you blushed or smitten every single second,

I have the biggest  and sincerest heart to fill you with lots of love and affection,
compared to your previous exes and scandals.
I just want you to ponder on this,
why did all of them left you haplessly 
and why am I here, chasing you
looking like a fool?

p.s. You don't have to be that intelligent to answer that. It's because I love you dearly whilst they just desired you.

Monday, May 9, 2011

[Aku Orang Halus 27]

So yeah kita sama-sama tahu
dan setuju bila ini berlaku
yang mana kau berat hati untuk layan aku
alasan nya hanya satu
kau sudah ada orang baru
yang akan ganti aku
dan segala perkara yang kita buat bersama
akan kau buat dengan dia
percaya tak cakap aku
bilamana aku fikir begitu?
betul bukan?
jangan kau tipu.

p.s. layan di atas bukan apa yang kamu-kamu fikirkan.

Painted Dream l2l

You were no where to be seen during the workshop. I was one of the facilitators amongst my friends. It was devastating because frankly, I concocted the lines that I'd be going to utter to you and yes I rehearsed the night before, in front of the mirror, in the bathroom.


It's just not my luck I guess, oh well

and guess what? you were standing outside of the hall with your friends, as scared as mice, because you were late. I opened the door and greeted your friends instead of you just like an admirable gentleman. I did not greet you tho, deliberately of course, I wouldn't want to make it too obvious that I was crushing hard on you. 

You smirked
I was cool, calm and collected

I pretended to pay no heed to you but I constantly aided your friend tho. Hah it's a strategy, devised rather impromptu. You did not notice but I secretively glimpsed at you and was all smitten, bitten by a love bug. When it's time for group work and each of us, the facilitators, was assigned a group as mentors, I rushed to your group which was rather conspicuously written all over my face. 

Silly me,
nampak sangat.

p.s. Were did all the rehearsed lines disappear to?

Saturday, May 7, 2011

[Aku Orang Halus 26]

You know when I'm wearing this around my neck, it shows I miss you.

p.s. Happy Mother's Day. It's because of you I have two moms :)

Friday, May 6, 2011

Painted Dream l1l

I was descending the stairs when my eyes caught your glistening skin, those piercing eyes that when the light hits them, they exude charms and the nerdy, naive look that sometimes appears to be a tad mysterious. 

I did not really believe in love at first sight but believe me, I fall in love the very first time I laid my eyes on you. I was hyperventilating, gasping for air yet tried to remain composed. I collected myself to appear cool and calm but god God knew my knees were shaking and I just couldn't take my eyes off of you.

I acted fool tho, in attempt to catch your eyes and in the hope that you noticed my awkward being. I talked so loud, laughed insanely trying to gain your attention. You noticed tho but I had no idea who were you looking at.

That is basically how I started harboring feeling and affection towards you Sayang.

p.s. and the story begins.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

[Aku Orang Halus 25]

kau tidak tahu,
betapa hancur hati aku,
bila ucapan "I love you",
hanya di balas dengan "tq"

Mengapa kau perlu begitu,
kononnya tak mahu aku rindu,
Tidak pula kau fikir masa awal-awal dulu
bila kau pelan-pelan buat aku
jatuh cinta sama kamu,

Susah betul kamu mahu percaya
akan betapa sayang dan cinta
aku sama kamu

p.s. Aku rindu masa dahulu.

Friday, April 29, 2011

Dear Sayang

I will always remember the way you hold my hands,
I will always remember the way you laugh,
I will always remember the way you walk,
I will always remember the way you flirt,
I will always remember the way you kiss me,
I will always remember the way you call me your sayang and baby,
I will always remember the way you blink your eyes,
I will always remember the way you secretively hold my hands in public,
I will always remember the way you comfort me,
I will always remember,
should our story ends here.

Ryry and Riri 

p.s. This broken heart of mine here is meant for you.

Saturday, April 23, 2011

[Aku Orang Halus 24]

Mahu tahu apa aku rasa 
bila kau membahasakan aku dengan hanya nama?
Aku rasa sangat kecewa
mana pergi kasih sayang kita
yang dulu kau berusaha untuk jaga.

p.s. Aku sedih. 

Saturday, April 16, 2011

[Aku Orang Halus 23]

apa lagi mahu kamu?
cakap pada aku
biar puas hati kamu

Mengapa ini yang terjadi?
mengapa layanan seperti ini
yang kau beri?

Apa salah aku 
pada kamu?
sehingga sebegitu
diri ini kamu benci

Pintaku hanya satu
mari hidupkan 
memori-memori lama
saat kita menjadi satu
tiada kamu mahupun aku
yang ada hanya kita

Sayang mana pergi semua janjimu?
mana pergi kata-kata
yang kamu masih perlu aku?

p.s. Berhenti bersikap begini, aku mati.