This is critical, I'm feeling helpless, So hysterical, and this can't be healthy, I can't eat or sleep when you're not with me, You're the air I breathe, This is critical, So stuck on you. Nick J, Critical.
p.s. I dread when it's time for me to back off and walk away.
The 1st time ever I had to swallow my own words. Digest my own spits. It's like I'm spitting my words into the air and guess what, it falls back to me, right in the middle of the face. However, I believe what is happening between us is more than just that.And yes you, I'm not certain of the future. I know your situation is getting worst every single day but please let me be by your side. Let me carry some of your unbearable burdens. You know I'm always here, I'm here for you. Always is and always will.
The last thing I want to have or experience right now is having my heart broken once again.
I have not the slightest idea of why love and me have a very very bad rapport. We don't really mix and blend together. It's like we both are the two magnetic fields that can never ever be in range of close proximity. Or like cats and dogs in which you can't put them in the same room, they'll murder each other.
So when I thought I was really strong enough and very composed when dealing with this essential matter, my prediction falls flat. I faltered to temptations. Temptations that I know will provide me with another heartache. I think if someone can die of a heartache, I'll be long gone.
This heart, or what's left of this so called heart is in jeopardy again. It has dawned on me that all my hard work of putting and glue-ing back the bits and pieces of my heart is apparently futile because I know the conspicuous consequences in this game I accidentally participated.
Rest assured when I say it's deadly, it really is.
p.s. Been wondering why on earth did the westerners or whoever created Cupid illustrated him to be a boy. A freaking boy who, I'm pretty certain that looking at the his depiction possesses the maturity of a boy, is given arrows to shoot people to be in love. He's a boy, he can simply miss his aims!
I have built a strong and firm relationship with my dark side.
The evil me is whispering his sweet engaging promises that are very very inviting.
I have an eccentric wish-list.
Things that I want to achieve in my life.
These things are not just the uplifting, riveting and motivating wishes that I want to accomplish,
but the list also consists of audacious and unpredictable things that I want to do or try.
fear of the satisfactory feeling I dwell in after I have crossed some of the list.
It tasted ferociously good and like I mentioned earlier, very very very inviting and undeniably alluring.
I used to be a bad boy during my darkest era but right now, what I'm having is way darker than my darkest era.
Yes you heard me (I always pretend I'm talking to someone whenever I penned my entry, hence the word heard)
I'm trying to simplify my life. Simplify my emotions and feelings. Simplify my thoughts and perceptions. Simplify everything.
I'm leading a simple life.I, if possible, will try to avoid the word complicated.As complicated as it sounds, it gives a negative connotation, a dark vibe and ambiance to me. The finest and legit illustration of the word would be me trying to disassemble a bomb or a tight knot even then strongest person on earth will fail and falter.It's that bad.
I'm delusional and posses an immerse capacity to imagining things, absurd and somewhat crass, out of ordinary things.My mind, this medula oblongata I have buried in my head works in a mysterious ways. I tried to decode and decipher its structure and blue print once but it was futile, it has always in vain.
For that reason, I'll try to follow my guts more. This doesn't make sense does it? But What the heck, I just need to write something.
As of speaking or writing, whichever you prefer, I have this thing lingering my mind. A scenario, a scene, a play that I think will fascinate certain people. But the thing is, I am no story teller. In any conversation, you'll notice I'm eating my words. Fumbling and mumbling, even in a simple conversation or inquiry of "Can I have a glass of orange juice" will sound like this "Can I *somethingJuicesomething* please? Fair enough, speech impairment is something you want to mess with or mess around.
Speaking of leading a simple life, I sometime feel that I have the urge to be unpredictable. Even I myself can even predict what I will do or trying to do. How cool is that? This is similar to not using my mysterious mind. Like I said, I follow my guts. Now this make sense isn't it?
I think people are all hypocrites. Yes they are. Well you may disagree but this is just a personal opinion. 'Personal' to me reads = If you disagree, I don't bother to pay any heed. So yes, we are all hypocrites, we hide our true face behind those fancy facades we put on for different people.
I'm in the midst of soul searching. You know what soul searching is, I don't have to elaborate. If you don't, go figure.
I'm giving up on certain someone. Why? well because I'm freaking tired and worn out by all those superfluous things that keep on invading me. Why bother fighting over someone whom don't give a shit about you? Guess what, with or without you, I'll live anyway. I may sound bitter but my dear bitter is the new taste of sugar, again that's my personal opinion.
I like doing random stuffs because I despise routines. I've been berserk-ly random these past few days and I intend to keep and stay random for a long time. Thus, if you see me hanging upside down in some spider web at Taman Tasik, kindly ignore me, unless I scream for help.
I've been learning the SUJU's Bonamana dance which I'm thinking to record. Can't wait to watch how silly I'll be. Word of advice, be silly sometimes, you'll place the world in an equilibrium.
So this has been a long post. And kinda a crappy one too. Talk about being simple eh? Haha
But this is random, so yeah whatever.
P.s. Laptop is broken.I don't know what to do.
P.s.s. Have I mentioned I did a commercial for a TV series that's going to be shown in Malaysia entitled The Walking Dead? No? So here you go, remember to tune in to Astro next week for the commercial, I played a Zombie. Still stoked!