Saturday, July 31, 2010

an opinion or judgment formed without due examination; prejudgment; a leaning toward one side of a question belonging to it; an unreasonable predilection for, or objection against, anything; especially, an opinion or leaning adverse to anything, without just grounds, or before sufficient knowledge from other considerations than those

Webster 1993 Dictionary.

p.s. Just so you know

[Dear Diary#12]

p.s. Who the fucking hell you think you are?

Monday, July 26, 2010

Sunday, July 18, 2010

[Call Me Weirdo#5]

Baby I'm your biggest fan!

p.s. Because I just couldn't be bitter towards you.

Saturday, July 17, 2010


Well what do you know, it's been 5 weeks of practicum. I think time sure flies fast. I recall it's like yesterday I first stepped my feet in the school's compound, losing my direction and navigating myself around the boisterous and mischievous students. I'm kinda enjoying myself to bits, even for a fact that I lose my temper during my first day. 

The students are all little imps you know, not my students of course. They're a bunch of attention-seeker, in a good way. I mean the rest of the school's inhabitants. Especially the Form 3 and 4. Can't really blame them, blame the extra adrenaline pumping in their veins. I know, because I was exactly like them during my high school years. That's why however and whatever mischief, mishaps things they do or did on me, I try not to falter or lose my temper. I just want to get along with them. Contemplating at the students' behaviour, I see myself in them. Torturing practicum teachers, especially female ones. I still remember this one practicum teacher in my school, female and she taught Pendidikan Islam if I'm not mistaken. She was very petite and cute, fair skin and liked to wear black jubah to school. I think she's my first teacher's crush. Haha hey I have a thing for women in jubah ok, fetish kinda thing.

Well, I remember vividly how I always teased her in class, torturing every single period of hers. Whenever she asked questions, I'd provide her with the silliest and darndest answers. She once asked a question whether we would like to send our parents to the old-folks house because we were learning something about taking care of our parents. I was the loudest one who said Yes I would!! She was taken abacked by my answer and came to me with a flabbergasted face, asking the question again. I retaliated by justifying that at old-folks home, my parents would be taken care of, fed up with delicious meals and always have someone that would attend them. Of course I was kidding, don't judge me. I was in Form 3 and that was for the sake of making the teacher's life hard. She went of with a sad forlorn face, maybe kinda saddened that she thought she had failed in doing her job. I remembered the sad, forlorn, teary eyes she put on. It complimented her black jubah. She just halted the lesson, sat back at her table. I felt terrible and adding my blame was the rest of my classmates cursing on me for making Ustazah felt bad. I just went overboard. From that moment onwards, I tried making her life easier. I muted until the end of her teaching practicum. During her last day in school, she asked us to write her some small notes of our thoughts of her. This was my time to redeem myself. While every one penned the typically cliched comments, I wrote her an apology note. I can't recall the note but I know for sure I apologized to her though my note.
That was one of my malicious doings to my practicum teachers. I was such a prick wasn't I? 

So this is one main reason why I try to get along with my students because little do they know that I walked in their shoes long before they walk in theirs. I strive to make them inspired, to uplift their life because most of them come from troubled background. Whenever some parents visit the school to meet the class teacher regarding their children, I can't help but feel sad. Looking at their soul-less eyes, it brings tiny tears. I know I'm easily touched, but there's something in the parents eyes that make you wanna shed your tears. The awkwardness they have in their eyes, the yearn for assistance, the craving to see their children succeed, it pains me to see that I can't do anything about that. That's why I'm striving hard to bring them on the mountain, because it's not the peak of the mountain that matters, the climb is the supreme experience. I'm taking extra periods for my Form 6 classes without the acknowledge of the top administration, they just gave me 4 periods of class but I'm taking another 2 period because the teacher who's teaching them has granted me with it but what's more important is, my students came and asked for my assistance. I just couldn't sit comfortably at my table, knowing that the students are trying to repair their life. I want to replenish their life together. 

Ok I should go and start planning my lesson for tomorrow, it's my 2nd observation.
Toodles people.
See you.

p.s. am still indecisive.

Thursday, July 15, 2010


It's one of those nights which you feel so hopeless.
When you contemplate on all the things that you've done.
When you realize how suck and a sore loser you are.
When you feel like ripping out your heart and left the chest open, bleed.
When you feel like a part of you is missing.
When you think that you're a fool for believing.
When you feel ashamed of what you did.
When you feel like murdering someone.
When you feel like throwing yourself out of the balcony of your seventh floor home.
When you feel like kicking yourself right in the arse.

What you can do to ease the unfathomable feelings is just cry.

p.s. You can go fuck yourself!

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Adam Nur Arshavin.
Your future Papa misses you so bad.

p.s. This seriously impacts me so subtly deep

Thursday, July 8, 2010


p.s. I'm bored.

Sunday, July 4, 2010

[Dear Diary#9]

You say you'll know when you really find the one
But it's hard to tell with the damage that's been done
But id like to say that it's your fault
But I know better
Cuz' I'm a fool to think you'll wait around forever

Maybe I Could have loved you
Maybe I could have shown
That I still do care about you
More than you could know
Don't say it's too late to try
To make it right

Joseph Adam Jonas, 
To make it right.

p.s. I don't intend to right the wrong, let it be wrong.

[Call Me Weirdo#4]

photo's taken here
Just like how I'm feeling this few weeks, ugly

I need to shop and find my inner freak and replenish my freaky attitude.

p.s. I miss how people will look at me oddly when I walk.

Saturday, July 3, 2010

[The Reason Why I love Them, especially Him]

Watch it here.

p.s. It brought tiny tears, at certain time. 

Friday, July 2, 2010

[Simply because..]

You've been silent.

I know.

Simply because I enjoy the silence. 
It's up to you to believe it or not.

Can I kiss you?
No, you can't.

Simply because I don't want you too.

A hug?

Nah ah ah.

Simply because I don't wanna get attached. 

I miss you.

Oh Thank you.

Don't you miss me.


What the hell?

Simply because I don't.

Oke Bye, see you later.

Oh I don't want  to see you 'before or later'.


Haha Thanks. That's what I'm trying to do.

p.s. Nice one is it?