[When you look me in the eyes]

you'll notice how heavy my bags are.

Yes people!

I have eye bags!

Major!

It's 4.23am now according to my watch and I, like always. find it hard to fall asleep. It's a disease, I hope not. I've done everything. From changing the bed sheet, reciting verses from the Holy book, imbibe a bottle of Revive, changing my shirt, putting off my shirt, trying to sleep with no clothes on, simply everything but I couldn't manage to travel to Lala Land. It's dreadful and frustrating.

Ada ubat tidur dalam peti ais. Nak ambik ke tak?

0.o

p.s. Insomnia, I hate you!

[The Date]

This was last night. I mean this morning. It was around 830 am. I had a date with them. They were streaming live from California. I was super stoked and hyperventilating when I noticed Joe's twitter that the boys would be doing a surprise Live Chat. He mentioned the time but it was in Pacific Daylight Time, which I had no idea when it would be. I quickly rummaged through the net seeking for a time converter. Thank God I managed to find one. Thanks to Mr Google as well.

Alas, the PDT,EDT,GMT whatever shit is so frigging confusing. I felt like a doctor trying to fix a car. Utter bimbo-ness. Tried to convert the time but I failed because I don't have the slightest clue what timezone does Malaysia fall in. I did not give up tho, so I searched for another converter that has Malaysia's timezone and I succeeded in doing so. Thanks to Mr Google again. 

So basically the live chat would start at 730 am, after being converted into Malaysia's time. Another bad karma inflicted, my hand phone could not be switched on. It ran out of battery. Damn! 

Long story cut short, I stayed up until Subuh. After performing my Subuh prayer, I dozed off. I was awaken by my friends getting ready to go working. I waited for them to emerge from the blank screen to certain extent that I felt like kicking my lappy's screen. Hey I was drowsy and for the fact that I waited around 5-6 hours for this.

At about 8 am, they emerged and I could see clearly Joseph and Nicholas. Didn't pay much attention to Kevin tho. Sorry Kevin.

I smiled until I slept.

p.s. If you haven't noticed, I'm a big fan of The Jonas Brothers, especially Joseph :))

[Dear Diary#2]

Dear Diary,

I'm in a total mess. My life is. I'm officially broke and I think I've never been this broke. I take my meal once in a day and it's during the dusk. It feels like I'm fasting. Seriously. I have this huge hole in my wallet and every time I open it, I keep thinking there will be some loads of money, out of nowhere, popped from it but alas it's all just a wishful thinking. I tried to find several job you know and I have this offer but due to my mistake in my first time doing it, I was denied the opportunity. It was a silly mistake and everyone did mistakes during our first time, didn't we all? I don't understand how black a person's heart can be. It was a silly mistake and only fools would repeat it and I am no fool, just a tad absent-minded. But no no, I've been scratched off from the list. How very devastating.

I called my mom the other day and guess what? She's in a fight with dear daddy again. She didn't tell me that but I knew from her tone of voice. Something wrong happened to her number as I couldn't reached her that night so I rang daddy. So I asked daddy what's up with mum's hand phone? and daddy was like, I don't know, ask her yourself. It was a long silence before mum's voice could be heard. She was drowsy and she didn't wanna talk about her hp's problem. My real intention calling her was to talk about my condition here but I was turned off, I didn't want her to be burdened with my silly tribulation. She sounded like she didn't want to talk so I bid her goodbye. However, mum informed me that she might not be coming to KL this coming week as how she had planned and disclosed to me the other day and she said it's daddy's fault. The problem with my dear daddy is, he is so anti-social. He likes to stay at home reading his newspapers over and over again. I didn't say anything but before I hang out the line, I kinda begged her to come here.

You see Diary, now I have no one to talk to and rely on. What worst is, I think my amnesia is visiting. Yeap she is. Thus, this little mind of mine here starts to decipher and operate like a crazy machine when it's sleep time. I really don't wanna gobble the medicine, it's dangerous you know but I'm having headache every single day. What to do?

I apologize for pouring this out on you dear diary, but I have to. I can't contain it anymore. I need a shoulder to cry and scream and roll on the floor and stare at the blank ceiling and devour tonnes of ice cream and dance like a crazy person and play in the rain and many more. I need a new fresh atmosphere.

Oh and diary, I still am missing Sunshine.

p.s. I think I'm losing my sanity.

[Al-Fatihah]

Adik Aminul Rasyid Hamzah

(1995-2010)

photo's taken here

His death was devastating and added another flaws towards the authorities. Most Malaysians are now in doubt with the capability of our police force in keeping the country safe and sound. Their integrity has been challenged a lot lately and please whoever's in charge, settle this problem pronto.

I know that we can't put the fault totally at the authority because yes, the kid is at fault too because he is driving without any license and the fact that we need to have a license before we can handle the wheel. So writing from the legit fact, it is his bad for doing so. Even though some would say that many kids do that. No matter how many kids practice that, it's wrong according to the law. Those four officers that-I don't know, maybe they were paranoid?-are the one that is to blame and should be judged accordingly because these people are the ones that make people's trust towards our authority dwindles.

However, I just could'nt fathom another unintelligible fact that they had to pull the trigger and that had ended his life. What harm can a 15 years old kid do EVEN if what the media is reporting that he is suspected as criminal is true. SUSPECTED, mind the word please. Don't we have the law that justifies the need for the authority to utilize the weapon only when provoked and only when other citizens' life is in jeorpady? Don't they have learnt and mastered martial-art skills? Why did they have to pull the trigger? It's just a 15 years old kid for goodness sake! I mean can't you handle a Form 3 kid without using the weapon?

It's a shame, really because this incident has tarnished the integrity of our police force. But I salute those who are putting their neck in jeorpady to try and keep our country safe. However, I demand justice for Arwah. At least let his soul rest in peace.

Now where is Gerak Khas when we need 'em?

p.s. I'm trying not to be biased here.

[Beautiful Nightmare]

People say dreams can be interpreted.
Well try to interpret this if you can.

I had a very absurdly bizarre dream last night. It was not a nightmare but more to a bad dream. I was in a scuffle with some, which I couldn't recall whom. During the scuffle, I had realized that I lost 7/seven of my teeth. My mouth is in a completely full of blood. I remembered counting every single tooth I had broken due to the fracas. I also vomited blood. Heaving excessive thick red blood from my toothless mouth.

However, I did not die in my dream but I woke up feeling so insecure. 

You know, the feeling when you think your heart is trying to disclose something. Your stomach is churning and you feel so uneasy. You feel like you've done something bad. 

That's basically what I'm indulging at the moment. The plethora of uneasiness is embracing me and I feel so down. 

p.s. It's the total opposite feeling from yesterday.

[Dear Diary#1]

saya rasa saya rindu dia tadi

~

No no Mr, you should not dwell and entertain the feeling. It will give you ache and anguish. Snap it out!

You're doing great all this while. Do not trigger the ordeal although it does make you happy sometimes. Keep it together Arshad.

~

p.s. No matter how strong I perceive myself, I'm just a tad fragile inside.

[Lazy Monday]

Woke up super early today. Tadelah super sangat. It's just around 830. I was awaken by the girls boys getting ready to go working. Which I was supposed to join but due to some really cliche unfathomable silly reason, I was denied the offer.

My bed was in a total mess and I have no inkling why it was. My bed sheet was way out of order and I guess I slept without the bed sheet properly tucked to the bed. I lingered around 4 hours in the lala land and I'm not sleepy as of writing, the clock shows 12.22 am, which usually is my normal out of bed time. It's a miracle! I'm stoked for no solid reason!

Vanity, at a snail's pace, crept in and hence the pictures below..

Digging the 2nd and 4th pictures!

Vanity meter = Overload

lol

I don't know why but I'm extra jolly and insanely optimistic today. I'm pretty sure I didn't pop any pills last night. But oh what the heck! 

p.s. Life's a mess and I'm loving it!
p.p.s.To those who haven't notice, it's the new hair! Fierce! Rawr!

[2nd Piece]

Err..I kinda resumed my smoking habit last week. Went down and purchased Pall Mall Menthol 14, my favourite.

It's the time of the month where I feel the urge to inhale that damaging smoke. Yes I pretty much aware how hazardous smoking is.

However, one salient thing you may want to know is that I'm not a heavy smoker. Heavy here means an ardent 24-7 smokers. I dub myself as a professional smoker. I smoke when I'm tensed and when I have a lot of problems. Yes currently I'm having loads of problems and the urge comes at the perfect timing!

My last cigarette was around 5-7 months ago. Yeah that's me, I know when to start and when to cease smoking.

Smoking provides me with insane and absurd satisfaction. You don't wanna know about my ignition to smoking during my childhood and I don't intend to elaborate it here. But one essential thing smoking gives me is the feeling of not being able to think and care about my problems, my aching heart, my bizarre mind and so on. It levitates me to a place where I couldn't care less about everything and I'm not being dramatic here.

It's not a good example and I don't take pride in doing so but this is like my own escapism, the ultimate great escape. So please excuse me.

p.s. I'm not a good example, I know and I realize that.

[1st Piece]

Rebel Yell

Click if you kinda miss the old me because honestly, I miss him too.

Oh, the blog is a boy hence the pronoun 'him'

p.s. so far so good eh?

[epilogue]

Hey there,This is me.Rebel Yell, remember?

Alas, I'm no rebellious anymore.

I have migrated to this new host, Blogger.

Need a fresh drastic change and new ambience.

So lets start with the title of the blog. Well you see, my previous blog contains rather everything that has happened in my life starting from the year I started penning my thoughts down in it, which was  2007. So it has been 3 years I've been pouring out my feelings, my emotions, my dissatisfaction and so on in the blog. So basically, my entire 3 years are all engraved in the blog, Rebel Yell. So I decided to begin my voyage in this new host. Besides, I'm in the midst of letting go of someone. Letting go needs serious determination, it is no folly. So if I still linger in the bittersweet memories in most of the entries in the blog, don't you think the effort is futile?

Thus, here's the new place. The new medium for me to pen a new chapter of my life, hopefully. When you are determined, you need to show some drastic changes in order to boost your confidence that ''you can actually do this". So here I am, Piece of Me. Drastic and a tad dramatic as well, don't you think?

What's with the title? well if some of you may ask. It just randomly blurted from this medula oblongata of mine that since Rebel Yell pretty much encloses everything, I have no more stories to share. Thus, this is just a piece of broken me, trying to trot and find my way back to the world.

Oh and yes, Adam Arshad is just my pen name, it's not an alter ego or something. Please do excuse me eh?

p.s. A frest start. I can do this!