[Dear Diary#9]

You say you'll know when you really find the one
But it's hard to tell with the damage that's been done
But id like to say that it's your fault
But I know better
Cuz' I'm a fool to think you'll wait around forever

Maybe I Could have loved you
Maybe I could have shown
That I still do care about you
More than you could know
Don't say it's too late to try
To make it right

Joseph Adam Jonas, 

To make it right.

p.s. I don't intend to right the wrong, let it be wrong.

[Dear Diary#8]

...and the story's gettin' old,

so I guess the driveway,

would be the end of the road,

for us it's too late

let the credit starts to roll.

The Driveway, Miley Cyrus.

p.s. .......

[Dear Diary#7]

Malam ni saya sedikit sentimental sebab kawan baek saya dah bertunang.
Time sure flies fast.
Rasa macam baru semalam kenal dengan minah nie kat melaka time pre-ijazah TESL dulu.
Dulu kitorang gile. Seriously gile betol.
To be honest la kan, she knows me very well.
Inside and out.
There are things that I don't easily disclose to anyone but I will surely share with her without a single doubt.
Dah 4 tahun la kami berkawan.
Berlucah sana-sini.
Bergile-gile.
Berusha-usha.
Tonnes of memories, especially in Malacca.
Dan tetibe rindu Melaka la plak.
Haish.
Dan tetibe teringat memori first time being heartbroken.
When I was madly in love with you know who but you know who crashed my heart.
The image of me picking up the public phone dekat blok N and wept like a crazy person over the phone is still freshly imprinted kat dalam otak neh.
Gile loser dulu.
Cry over the phone, I mean public phone.
And who could remember, after exactly 4 years.
I did the same thing when another person broke my heart.
And it was here, in Shah Alam.
To be precise, at TESL square kot.
Time orang tgh ramai.
Boleh plak menangis.
Ingatkan da x loser tp sama jek, lagi loser!
Major loser!
Ok, enough with all the silly memories.
I don't want to begin with your love encounters.
So dear Nur'Ain Mohd Sharom,
Semoga berbahagia sama si botak.
Heh
:))

Time masing-masing tgh mencari cinta.

hahaha

:pp

p.s. Hey I'm back!

[Dear Diary#7]

Hey Diary,
I'm heading home tonight at 9.
I seriously need a vacation and home is where I think I can be at peace.
I will not go online much often because I don't have the connection there.
And I'm thinking to shut my mobile phone off during my presence there.
I will try not to entertain any superfluous text messages or missed calls, so be vigilant if I don't text or reply any of the messages.

p.s. Malas nak kemas!

[Dear Diary#6]

Dear Diary,

The last thing I want to do right now is involve in some kind of a relationship's brawl. Regardless if I'm the 3rd, 4th, 5th or whichever person. Like seriously.

Here is some advice, when a couple is in fraca over their relationship, you DON'T want to be the third person, the leaning shoulder, the dear-diary moment, especially if you're in love with one of them. Why? Because it will all come back to you sooner or later and when it does, you're the one who will suffer the ordeal most. Trust me. No I mean TRUST ME!

*Ok Motif sangat bangun2 terus cakap pasal relationship*

Well, it's actually because I woke up today with a text message from someone saying he's in trouble and he's trying to solve this relationship's problem because he's kinda involved in it.

Oh never mind, I don't want to bore you guys with that.

Oh BTW InsyaALLAH I'll be gone for a one day vacation tomorrow. It's Genting bebeh! Will be going there with my three GFs. No no, not girlfriends. Oh no no , not gayfriends, geez. They're good friends. Didn't see that coming didn't you? Ha Ha 

p.s. Good day, Good day! :)

[Dear Diary#5]

Dear Diary,
Kau faham bahasa melayu kan?
Sebab aku mahu berbahasa melayu.

Aku selfish.

Aku self-absorbed.

Aku stupid

Aku suka menyusahkan orang

Aku suka mengutuk orang

Aku suka menipu

Aku fake

Aku childish

Aku emosi

Aku suka marah

Aku sarcastic

Aku tak reti berkawan

Aku anak tak guna

Aku bimbo

Aku tiada future

Aku tak pandai

Aku tak senonoh

Aku suka gelakkan orang

Aku tak pandai buat kerja

Aku suka hancurkan hati dan perasan orang

Aku suka menghabiskan duit parents 

Aku kurang ajar

Aku suka mengungkit

Ini semua sifat buruk aku. Sebab biasalah selalu orang akan nampak sifat buruk kita.Mereka susah nak nampak sifat baik kita.

Tapi aku sudah biasa. Sebab ini aku.

Jadi janganlah kau dekat dengan aku ya, aku mungkin akan stab kau dari belakang ke apa ke.

Aku ni bukan baik,aku suka mengungkit dowh.

Pergi main jauh2 la Diary, jangan datang dekat dengan aku.

Tapi aku nak share satu perkara, perkataan "Hari itu" bermaksud hari yang telah lepas, perkara yang telah berlaku. Perkataan 'itu' sendiri membawa satu conotation bahawa sesuatu telah berlaku. Dan bila perkara yang telah berlaku tapi di bawa ke dalam sesuatu perbincangan, bukankah namanya itu mengungkit?

Entahlah, itu hanya picisan. Mungkin tidak benar sama sekali, maklumlah aku ni bukan cerdik, jauh lagi pandai.

p.s. Ya umi, aku akan balik sekarang. Aku tak kan menyusahkan umi lagi.

[Dear Diary#4]

Dear Diary,

This will be my song I'm going to sing to the one I love with the hope that the person will love me back.

 ~

Entered with a broken wing

when you showed up at my door

now I'm fallen more in love

than I ever was before

(chorus)

and if you must know the truth

I knew that it was you

so when you will

and when you won't

I do

I know that an endless love

isn't something you can teach

with you there is not a star

in the sky that I can't reach

(chorus)

so when you will

and when you won't

you can trust that I will

when we won't

and when we will oh

I do

~

Nick Jonas' song for his brother Kevin and Danielle.

So Diary, I hope I can sing this to the one who is meant to be with me because I believe the person exists.

 Click for the song

p.s. I shall wait

[DearDiary#3]

Dear Diary,

This salutation goes to the most adored and loved person in my life, my mother, my Ummi. 

Dear Ummi,

I know I don't really go and say I love you that often like everyone else, but know this, I love you to bits and pieces.

Dear Ummi,

I know I'm not the toughest son you have among all your three sons, but I think I have made you proud all this while AND this perpetual action will not halt here or there because I WILL always make you proud.

Dear Ummi,

I know I always throw an orgy of tantrums with every single actions I do, but well you know I kinda inherit that from you, or is it from Dad?LOL

Dear Ummi,

I know I called you this evening and I forgot to wish you Happy Mother's Day but I know Mi, you forgot about it too because if you didn't, I would have been served with your witty sarcasms.

Dear Ummi,

Please know that your sarcasms are the best advice I could ever asked for. Your indirect sneers are what make me go through everything I've endured, the ones that assist me in my life.

Dear Ummi,

I know our family can be tad bizarre but that's what make our family and I love our family for that.

Dear Ummi,

Thank a gazillion times for catering me, tending me, pampering me, having the faith and hope in me because you're just a mother I could ever asked for. 

Dear Fatimah Bte Deraman,

Mohd Afiq Arshad bin Yaakub loves you with all his heart and every single organ of him, stay cool and healthy always.

p.s. Happy Mother's day :)

[Dear Diary#2]

Dear Diary,

I'm in a total mess. My life is. I'm officially broke and I think I've never been this broke. I take my meal once in a day and it's during the dusk. It feels like I'm fasting. Seriously. I have this huge hole in my wallet and every time I open it, I keep thinking there will be some loads of money, out of nowhere, popped from it but alas it's all just a wishful thinking. I tried to find several job you know and I have this offer but due to my mistake in my first time doing it, I was denied the opportunity. It was a silly mistake and everyone did mistakes during our first time, didn't we all? I don't understand how black a person's heart can be. It was a silly mistake and only fools would repeat it and I am no fool, just a tad absent-minded. But no no, I've been scratched off from the list. How very devastating.

I called my mom the other day and guess what? She's in a fight with dear daddy again. She didn't tell me that but I knew from her tone of voice. Something wrong happened to her number as I couldn't reached her that night so I rang daddy. So I asked daddy what's up with mum's hand phone? and daddy was like, I don't know, ask her yourself. It was a long silence before mum's voice could be heard. She was drowsy and she didn't wanna talk about her hp's problem. My real intention calling her was to talk about my condition here but I was turned off, I didn't want her to be burdened with my silly tribulation. She sounded like she didn't want to talk so I bid her goodbye. However, mum informed me that she might not be coming to KL this coming week as how she had planned and disclosed to me the other day and she said it's daddy's fault. The problem with my dear daddy is, he is so anti-social. He likes to stay at home reading his newspapers over and over again. I didn't say anything but before I hang out the line, I kinda begged her to come here.

You see Diary, now I have no one to talk to and rely on. What worst is, I think my amnesia is visiting. Yeap she is. Thus, this little mind of mine here starts to decipher and operate like a crazy machine when it's sleep time. I really don't wanna gobble the medicine, it's dangerous you know but I'm having headache every single day. What to do?

I apologize for pouring this out on you dear diary, but I have to. I can't contain it anymore. I need a shoulder to cry and scream and roll on the floor and stare at the blank ceiling and devour tonnes of ice cream and dance like a crazy person and play in the rain and many more. I need a new fresh atmosphere.

Oh and diary, I still am missing Sunshine.

p.s. I think I'm losing my sanity.

[Dear Diary#1]

saya rasa saya rindu dia tadi

~

No no Mr, you should not dwell and entertain the feeling. It will give you ache and anguish. Snap it out!

You're doing great all this while. Do not trigger the ordeal although it does make you happy sometimes. Keep it together Arshad.

~

p.s. No matter how strong I perceive myself, I'm just a tad fragile inside.