[Dear Diary#9]

You say you'll know when you really find the one
But it's hard to tell with the damage that's been done
But id like to say that it's your fault
But I know better
Cuz' I'm a fool to think you'll wait around forever

Maybe I Could have loved you
Maybe I could have shown
That I still do care about you
More than you could know
Don't say it's too late to try
To make it right

Joseph Adam Jonas, 

To make it right.

p.s. I don't intend to right the wrong, let it be wrong.

[Dear Diary#8]

...and the story's gettin' old,

so I guess the driveway,

would be the end of the road,

for us it's too late

let the credit starts to roll.

The Driveway, Miley Cyrus.

p.s. .......

[11th Piece]

I gazed outside the balcony,
Searching for shooting stars,
But ended up looking upon the sky,
It was deep blue,
So meaningful,
and riveting.

Thus came the feeling,
Knocking on the door of the steel heart,
The feeling of longing,
Which I feel hard to resist,

Nodded,
Succumbed to the temptation,
Of the heart being melancholy,
Images,
and Images,
Together with memories,
Bombarded with no mercy,
No remorse,

And it rained,
Just like tiny tears
Formed in the eyes,
So glittery,

And listening to Hayley,
Singing Airplanes,
I could really use a wish right now

The heart swayed,
Broke free from the burden of sins,
Of being in denial
and pretending.


p.s. I miss you.

[8th Piece]

"Don't worry about people from your past, there's a reason they didn't make it to your future"

and I have decided that you my dear, shall be my past.

Thanks for all the good memories.

They are a treasure that I will always safe-guard in my heart.

and know this, I will always love you.

p.s. Rawr! I can do this!

[Dear Diary#5]

Dear Diary,
Kau faham bahasa melayu kan?
Sebab aku mahu berbahasa melayu.

Aku selfish.

Aku self-absorbed.

Aku stupid

Aku suka menyusahkan orang

Aku suka mengutuk orang

Aku suka menipu

Aku fake

Aku childish

Aku emosi

Aku suka marah

Aku sarcastic

Aku tak reti berkawan

Aku anak tak guna

Aku bimbo

Aku tiada future

Aku tak pandai

Aku tak senonoh

Aku suka gelakkan orang

Aku tak pandai buat kerja

Aku suka hancurkan hati dan perasan orang

Aku suka menghabiskan duit parents 

Aku kurang ajar

Aku suka mengungkit

Ini semua sifat buruk aku. Sebab biasalah selalu orang akan nampak sifat buruk kita.Mereka susah nak nampak sifat baik kita.

Tapi aku sudah biasa. Sebab ini aku.

Jadi janganlah kau dekat dengan aku ya, aku mungkin akan stab kau dari belakang ke apa ke.

Aku ni bukan baik,aku suka mengungkit dowh.

Pergi main jauh2 la Diary, jangan datang dekat dengan aku.

Tapi aku nak share satu perkara, perkataan "Hari itu" bermaksud hari yang telah lepas, perkara yang telah berlaku. Perkataan 'itu' sendiri membawa satu conotation bahawa sesuatu telah berlaku. Dan bila perkara yang telah berlaku tapi di bawa ke dalam sesuatu perbincangan, bukankah namanya itu mengungkit?

Entahlah, itu hanya picisan. Mungkin tidak benar sama sekali, maklumlah aku ni bukan cerdik, jauh lagi pandai.

p.s. Ya umi, aku akan balik sekarang. Aku tak kan menyusahkan umi lagi.

[When You're Gone]

and I shall miss you like I always do all this while.

pretending I'm not.

p.s. Tell me you're gonna miss me too.

 

[2nd Piece]

Err..I kinda resumed my smoking habit last week. Went down and purchased Pall Mall Menthol 14, my favourite.

It's the time of the month where I feel the urge to inhale that damaging smoke. Yes I pretty much aware how hazardous smoking is.

However, one salient thing you may want to know is that I'm not a heavy smoker. Heavy here means an ardent 24-7 smokers. I dub myself as a professional smoker. I smoke when I'm tensed and when I have a lot of problems. Yes currently I'm having loads of problems and the urge comes at the perfect timing!

My last cigarette was around 5-7 months ago. Yeah that's me, I know when to start and when to cease smoking.

Smoking provides me with insane and absurd satisfaction. You don't wanna know about my ignition to smoking during my childhood and I don't intend to elaborate it here. But one essential thing smoking gives me is the feeling of not being able to think and care about my problems, my aching heart, my bizarre mind and so on. It levitates me to a place where I couldn't care less about everything and I'm not being dramatic here.

It's not a good example and I don't take pride in doing so but this is like my own escapism, the ultimate great escape. So please excuse me.

p.s. I'm not a good example, I know and I realize that.