The Lost Words I3I

Happy Birthday Sayang,

May all happiness linger around you because you my dear, have the most intoxicating and contagious laugh in the world.

I may have given up on us, but it doesn't mean that I no longer love you. I will always love you, here in my heart. 

:')

p.s. Nothing will change my feelings towards you no matter what happens. That's my promise.

Painted Dream I Present Time

Listened to Katy Perry's The One That Got Away last night.

Imagine a wound or cuts that, all this while you thought you have managed to remedy, suddenly opens. Slowly at a snail's pace. That agonizing yet subtle pain you experience when you had paper-cuts, or a cut by a knife at your finger. 

Imagine those cuts; paper-cuts and knife-cuts, happen simultaneously and repetitively, stabbing your heart. 

Imagine this song is your love song and 500 Days of Summer's your love story.

Imagine waiting for someone for almost two year and you actually had him/her, but only for a short period of time.

Imagine the one you love the most and tenderly ask you to forget all the memories you used to share together.

Imagine your future that you have planned together perishes, like an apparition of smoke, in front of your eyes.

Imagine missing someone to a certain extent you could barely breathe when thinking of him/her.

Imagine.

Imagine all the possibilities of contentment that you can taste together.

Imagine you, trying to reach and grasp the possibilities but to no avail as it goes further into the unreachable realm.

Imagine you and your lover, which has become your ex, turn into a complete stranger.

Imagine.

Today, I cried in my toilet at my office. 

p.s. I really miss you Sayang. Whatever happens to our future plan? Whatever happens to I need you beside me? Whatever happens to I love you too.

The Lost Words I2I

Rindu awak.
Setengah mati.


p.s. rindu gila. 

The Lost Words I1I

Why can't you forget me? 

Why can't you?

p.s. I don't have the answer. 

Painted Dream I15I

Devastation started to slither down my spine. It was just too hard to fathom. We were boarding a train to the happy land. Well at least that was what I thought and clearly, we did not row the same boat.

Another heartbreak. Another heartache. I’ve been used to being disenchanted, let down and my heart being broken to a certain extent that it almost seemed like a daily routine. I failed to emote, to succumb to disappointment and cried my eyes out. Tears did flow but it was a supplementary action, to indicate that I was in the state of wretchedness.

It was just a fling, this has proved it.

Nothing to be sad about.

Come on Arshad, pull it together.

I tried to coax the cajoling heart of mine. So you wanted to play with this fickle heart do you not? Alright Sayang if that is your wish? I am more than happy to oblige.

So let the game begin. Shall we?

p.s. the game didn’t go like the plan. I’m actually glad.

Metafora Cinta

Biar cinta berkata-kata,
biar ia luahkan segala,
semua yang tersirat,
semua yang tersurat

Biar cinta bergerak bebas,
biar cinta buat kau lemas,
biar cinta buktikan
mereka semua salah!
biar cinta buktikan
mereka semua sampah!

Biar cinta berbisik ke telinga
biar kau rasa betapa nikmatnya,
biar mereka cemburu
akan engkau dan aku,
biar mereka makan hati
melihat kebahagian yang kita kecapi,

Biar cinta mengusap dahi,
biar cinta cium di pipi,
biar cinta pegang hati,
biar cinta usap lembut
dahi, pipi and hati,

Biar cinta memelukmu,
biarkan ia meraba-raba,
biarkan cinta
jika ia mahu merasa semua,

Hey bodoh,
sebelum kau biarkan cinta berkata-kata,
sebelum kau biarkan ia merasuk ke dalam jiwa,
sebelum kau biarkan ia meronta meminta-minta,
mari sini dengar dulu
apa mahu aku!

Aku mahu kau tenung cinta itu,
dalam-dalam,
tajam-tajam,
bukannya apa,
pastikan dulu ianya betul betul cinta,
bukanya nafsu semata-mata,

Ya ini sindiran untuk kamu semua,
yang di tipu nafsu buta buta,
kononya cinta yang di rasa
rupanya nafsu yang selama ini di noda.

p.s. Jangan nak terasa sangat lah, aku tulis berdasarkan pengalaman. 

Painted Dream I14I

I missed your performance night. It was my fault but I couldn’t help it, the All American Reject was in town for their live concert. I just couldn’t miss that. I was indecisive tho initially whether I should ditch the concert and provide you with the most tender support. Remember I said I was still muddled about my real feelings towards you, I reasoned by comforting myself that those feelings were just a phase and they would wash out eventually but AAR was certainly real.

You were devastated. At least that was what I got from the cold responses you were throwing at me. I wished you good luck and was honest by truthfully stating that I would be at a concert. For a fact that I wasn’t there to witness your performance, some part of me dreadfully regretted the decision.

Because that night I discovered something rather hurtful, the feeling I harboured for you wasn’t mutually reciprocated.

You met my friend. Rather good looking and a heart breaker. We both were in a different league. His strong jaw line made him stood out in a crowd. He had a more angular face compared to my usual round face. My soft yet shrieking scream-queen voice was nothing compared to his mannish Nashville-like voice that would melt you in an instant. Body-wise, let just say that he was way more comfortable in his rather than I, in mine. However, we were pretty close to each other. He liked to talk to me about almost anything and everything.

The concert was a blast. It felt like walking down one poignant memory lane. I used to share my fondness in AAR with a special someone. Someone whom I used to be crushing hard at that time, before our paths crossed and my attention was drawn completely towards you. I should neglect the story about AAR and this former special someone because this was supposed to be our story. As a matter of fact, this someone wasn’t exactly that special because you were on top of my will-do-anything-for-you list. Simply because you weren’t special, you were just more and beyond special.

Speaking of this friend I talked about who you met at your performance night was rather hard because he showed me the bitter truth of my infatuation to you. I was having an online conversation with him when he enquired questions about this one intriguing figure he noticed during the drama night. I kinda knew he was referring to you yet I tried to ensure we were referring the same person. My gut feeling was right; he was asking questions about you.

Hey, I noticed this particular person at the drama night the other day.

Before he could further describe you, I provided him with a plateful of information about you but I had trouble introducing you to him. Who are you? I mean I constantly fantasized about the possibilities of what we two could have but it was just one-sided possibilities. I had no idea what was on the other side of the coin if I flipped it.

A conversation with my friend who seemed to show interest in you revealed everything.

You were flirting with him.

p.s. I didn’t know what and how to feel.