Well what do you know, it's been 5 weeks of practicum. I think time sure flies fast. I recall it's like yesterday I first stepped my feet in the school's compound, losing my direction and navigating myself around the boisterous and mischievous students. I'm kinda enjoying myself to bits, even for a fact that I lose my temper during my first day.
The students are all little imps you know, not my students of course. They're a bunch of attention-seeker, in a good way. I mean the rest of the school's inhabitants. Especially the Form 3 and 4. Can't really blame them, blame the extra adrenaline pumping in their veins. I know, because I was exactly like them during my high school years. That's why however and whatever mischief, mishaps things they do or did on me, I try not to falter or lose my temper. I just want to get along with them. Contemplating at the students' behaviour, I see myself in them. Torturing practicum teachers, especially female ones. I still remember this one practicum teacher in my school, female and she taught Pendidikan Islam if I'm not mistaken. She was very petite and cute, fair skin and liked to wear black jubah to school. I think she's my first teacher's crush. Haha hey I have a thing for women in jubah ok, fetish kinda thing.
Well, I remember vividly how I always teased her in class, torturing every single period of hers. Whenever she asked questions, I'd provide her with the silliest and darndest answers. She once asked a question whether we would like to send our parents to the old-folks house because we were learning something about taking care of our parents. I was the loudest one who said Yes I would!! She was taken abacked by my answer and came to me with a flabbergasted face, asking the question again. I retaliated by justifying that at old-folks home, my parents would be taken care of, fed up with delicious meals and always have someone that would attend them. Of course I was kidding, don't judge me. I was in Form 3 and that was for the sake of making the teacher's life hard. She went of with a sad forlorn face, maybe kinda saddened that she thought she had failed in doing her job. I remembered the sad, forlorn, teary eyes she put on. It complimented her black jubah. She just halted the lesson, sat back at her table. I felt terrible and adding my blame was the rest of my classmates cursing on me for making Ustazah felt bad. I just went overboard. From that moment onwards, I tried making her life easier. I muted until the end of her teaching practicum. During her last day in school, she asked us to write her some small notes of our thoughts of her. This was my time to redeem myself. While every one penned the typically cliched comments, I wrote her an apology note. I can't recall the note but I know for sure I apologized to her though my note.
That was one of my malicious doings to my practicum teachers. I was such a prick wasn't I?
So this is one main reason why I try to get along with my students because little do they know that I walked in their shoes long before they walk in theirs. I strive to make them inspired, to uplift their life because most of them come from troubled background. Whenever some parents visit the school to meet the class teacher regarding their children, I can't help but feel sad. Looking at their soul-less eyes, it brings tiny tears. I know I'm easily touched, but there's something in the parents eyes that make you wanna shed your tears. The awkwardness they have in their eyes, the yearn for assistance, the craving to see their children succeed, it pains me to see that I can't do anything about that. That's why I'm striving hard to bring them on the mountain, because it's not the peak of the mountain that matters, the climb is the supreme experience. I'm taking extra periods for my Form 6 classes without the acknowledge of the top administration, they just gave me 4 periods of class but I'm taking another 2 period because the teacher who's teaching them has granted me with it but what's more important is, my students came and asked for my assistance. I just couldn't sit comfortably at my table, knowing that the students are trying to repair their life. I want to replenish their life together.
Ok I should go and start planning my lesson for tomorrow, it's my 2nd observation.
p.s. am still indecisive.