Painted Dream I18I

You fell sick. You caught a fever to be exact. I tried so hard not to give a heed after all that you did to me.

But I failed, tremendously.

I just couldn’t stay nonchalant towards you. I just couldn’t force my mind not to think of you. Images after images came bombarding my conscious mind. The more I tried to shut them, the more I tried to shoo them, the more they came knocking.

You, I demam. And I haven’t eaten anything since morning. Tak larat :’(

I just needed to oblige. I went to DriveThru and got you a bowl of chicken porridge. You just sounded so weak and frail. Worry hit me hard. My conscience, for once, acted rather in a logical sense. It’s the right thing to do.

I asked a friend to send me to your hostel. I braved through my utter cowardice that had always been inside of me. That little voice who’s adamant that you couldn’t do this or that. The one that always brings you down. That very night, I injured the little voice with my sheer determination and yes, conscience. I put on my halo and walked to your resident. 

I’m just gonna give you this porridge and leave.

That’s it.

Am doing this as a friend.

Not in the shoes of someone who’s fallen head over heels for you and just had his heart broken.

I put on my fake glasses. It felt like walking into the camp of your enemy in the middle of a battlefield. People could always recognize me. What would I do if someone saw me? What would I answer if someone I knew asked why I was there? I just couldn’t disclose my reason because they would talk shit once they knew that I was there for only one sole reason. You.

I was encumbered with superfluous thoughts.

I sat down at this one brick table we used to have ubiquitously around the hostel compound. I texted you saying I had arrived and waited for you. You were kinda shocked to hear that. I didn’t know whether the surprise tone was pre-planned or just plain sincere.

Hi.

I was right. You seemed terrible. Pale and frail-looking.

Hi. I got you chicken porridge. Nah amek ah.

And I handed it to you. You took it. Those eyes, that look you were wearing murdered me. Your eyes pierced through my heart as they screamed innocence.

Makan tau. I need to go. I datang dgn member dia tunggu kat luar. Bye and get well soon.

I nak you teman I makan please.

Please or else I won’t eat.

You grabbed my hand and hold it tight. I just wanted to exit. I didn’t want to dwell on these forlorn feelings anymore.

The grip of your hand holding mine was getting tighter, As if you were apologizing for things that you didn’t know you had done wrong. I looked straight into your eyes. Glistening and gleaming with hopeless yearning. Time halted, so that we could savour the moment.

So I snatched the bowl of that chicken porridge from your hand...

and opened it.

Nah bukak mulut.  

p.s. I am forever cursed by your love.